you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
