...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
