Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
