Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
