Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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