yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
