she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
