the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
