Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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