also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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