did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
