wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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