Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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