do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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