I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
