I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
