so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
