I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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