Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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