She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
