i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
