Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
