So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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