WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
