Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
