She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
