woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
