and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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