Rock
Scissors
Fuck
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Shame - the story of my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
