Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
