4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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