omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
