I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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