Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
