I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
