If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
