I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
