Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
where am i from again
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
