i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
