you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
