hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
