I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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