I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish I only lived at night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
