oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
