Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
