Cold hands, warm shart.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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