thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
