i already hear my dad disowning me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
handjob tips. give me some.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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