There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is the high leading the old right now
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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