i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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