just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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