if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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