dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
