Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
