the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
