dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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