this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
