what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
