I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
