all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i think i just lost a toe
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
