I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
