Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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