farters have to be the big spoon...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
